Written by Alyssa Schad
InsideTheAcorn.com Staff Writer
Febuary 10th, 2017
With President Trump’s administration circulating what it calls “alternative facts,” InsideTheAcorn.com has decided to release its own alternative facts for Toledo Early College High School.
Just remember, “alternative facts” aren’t always, or actually are hardly ever, facts.
1. Despite what people say, the TEC quiz bowl team is actually receiving tremendous ratings! The best we’ve ever seen. The judges are biased toward Ottawa Hills and Bowling Green. The system is rigged!
2. If you play the entire Poetry Out Loud video backwards, it recites the Communist Manifesto.
3. Mr. Nissen’s board is FAKE NEWS. Sad!
4. A very talented team of scientists has determined that downloading InsideTheAcorn.com’s new app will increase your GPA.
5. Alyssa Schad — the most overrated student director and actress at TEC — attacked Trump at the TEC talent show with her skit. She is a Bernie flunky who lost big. Just one more very dishonest media persona!
6. NHD is a hoax created by and for Ottawa Hills in order to make TEC grades non competitive.
7. Mrs. Berman will build a wall between TEC and the firefighters’ hallway to keep TEC students out — and believe me, nobody builds walls better than Ms. Berman — and she will make the firefighters pay for it!
8. “The Homecoming Court was rigged because millions of students from other schools cast their votes in our election. If we had a better voting system, I would have won by much more!” –Valentin Ornales Jr.
*Alternative facts=lies. Because we care about journalistic integrity, we are writing this disclaimer. Unlike everything else on InsideTheAcorn.com, this article is FAKE NEWS.
Contact Alyssa Schad at firstname.lastname@example.org